Rooftops
by SkyeElf
Summary: A year after Augustus died, and Hazel is still going to the support group with Isaac. But not for long. A new person enters her life, and for the better. The Something with a capital S Hazel believed in, becomes a reality when prayer leads to a miracle. Because God is real and miracles still happen. A religious story. Rated for language.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Okay, so, I do realise with this fic that I am risking a lot. People tend to avoid religion/spirituality as a theme for fics, and I have decided not to. **

**This is a Christian fic. If you are offended by this, please leave. I'm not going to defend who I am and what I believe.**

**This is also based on the Pentecostal side of Christianity, instead of the Roman Catholic Church. I'm studying religion at the moment and learned that there is actually a difference. It doesn't matter to me, but some may find the material I add offensive. If you would like to know more about the difference between these two churches, you can PM me or leave a review.**

**I don't own TFIOS.**

**Rooftops**

**Chapter 1**

Patrick, the youth leader at the church, started our meeting, his voice reverbrating around me. I swear I could tell his story as good as he could by now. I mean, I knew he had had cancer in his testicles and that he now had a few less balls to begin with, but the speech never changed. The message never changed either. I would've liked to hear a different message every once in a while, you know?

I was still coming here, to the Literal Heart of Jesus, a year after Augustus Waters died. It was a miracle that _I_ was still alive, the Phalanxifor was still working, but I was still the only success case on this experimental drug, though I've made a few trips to the hospital to have liquid siphoned off my lungs. The tumours haven't grown yet, either. Maybe I would make it to eighteen, I thought, seeing as I had just passed my seventeenth birthday.

Isaac was next to me, his leg hopping out of habit, and I reached over to grab his hand. I saw him smile as his fingers linked through mine, his thin lips stretching over the lower part of his face, though his head remained entirely stationary. He was sort of used to the blindness now, and he allowed me to lead him around here.

Just as we were going to start the usual speech of Patrick's ball-lessness, the doors burst open – and a girl with long brown hair floundered in. I don't get to use the word 'floundered' often, but this was what I would describe it as. And all I saw was a mass of brown hair.

She was falling over her own feet, her hair covering her face, and she flipped her hair back, as if she was playing an electric guitar, and she smiled self-consciously.

"Hey, sorry I'm late…" She said, and I frowned. She looked healthy, her cheeks were round, her eyes shiny and she had all of her hair. Was she Patrick's new helper? But that would be odd, seeing as Patrick had never had a helper before.

Usually when someone arrives at the support group, you can tell if they are patients or not, usually they wear some morose expression that scream 'Feel sorry for me!', or they're super thin with a very pale complexion, or, like me with Phillip the oxygen tank and the thin pipes that lead to my nose, you have an appendage to carry or drag around with you wherever you go.

But the newcomer looked healthy. She even had a healthy tan.

"Ah, I was wondering if you'd show up, Lily," Patrick smiled a bit as he made eye-contact with her, he had never smiled to anyone like that before, she returned the smile, nodded and took a seat, "Introduce yourself."

Lily stood again, "I'm Lily Holzer, I'm nineteen years old, and I have brain cancer," She declared. I started a bit, how could she have brain cancer? "I was diagnosed about eight months ago and given two years to live, but I refused to go for surgery," She pulled her shoulders up slightly.

"And how do you feel today?" Patrick asked, and Lily laughed cynically.

"Awful." Was all she said, but she still managed to push a smile onto her face.

Her hair was frizzy and wild, and stood all over the place, and she had had a pair of dark green eyes that shone from under it. She had a curvy body, easy to see from the tights and T-shirt she was wearing.

Her wrists were wide open for us to see, but I think I was the only one, or one of the only ones, that saw that her one wrist had a dark shape on it, but she kept shaking her arms around and I couldn't make it out.

She sat down again and looked at her hands. Her nails were painted pink, in sharp contrast to her black clothing.

"Welcome to the support group, Lily," Patrick smiled warmly again, and he went on, starting his speech all over again.

This new girl fascinated me. Not in the way that Gus did, but she didn't look like she was paying attention at all, instead she was biting her pink thumbnail and looking at a corner. I glanced at the corner, maybe there was a spider, but no eight-legged creature crept forward sinisterly.

I looked back at her, and she was looking at me. She smiled at me before looking down at her thumb again.

Once it was over, Isaac's hand curled around my upper arm and we walked to the elevator. It was sort of a relief to take the elevator; I didn't think my lungs could handle the stairs today.

"Hold it, please!" A voice yelled, and Isaac's hand came up blindly, to stop the mechanical doors from closing and his hand was enough for the doors to retract.

Lily tossed a smile at me once she'd skidded to a halt in the lift, before putting her hands on her knees as she got her breath back.

She straightened up before she took Isaac's remaining hand and shook, "Hey, I'm Lily," She then extended her hand to me, and I took it, with my canister awkwardly leaning against my leg. I gave her my name as we shook.

"I'm Isaac," My companion said, "You're the one with brain cancer, right?"

"Yeah, that's me. And as to answer your next question: I have a Glioblastoma tumour. I have no idea how I got it, but I did." She said it all nonchalantly. As if having a Glioblatoma tumour wasn't all that bad.

Glioblastoma was the most malignant brain cancer one could have, and she was supposed to have weakened by now, if I remembered correctly, but, again, she seemed perfectly healthy. The tumour is one you could operate on, but it just started growing again, and faster than before.

"Ouch," Isaac said, "So you're terminal?" It came out as a question, but I knew it was more of a statement. We don't beat around the bush when it comes to cancer or look for euphemisms for death past the word 'terminal'.

"Yeah, I am," She said, but it was as though it didn't sadden her at all; as though she had accepted defeat.

"You also said you refused to get surgery?" I asked, and she nodded again.

"Yeah, didn't wanna spend my time in a hospital," She said, "And I also refused chemo. Didn't see the need of it. My parents think I'm insane, but I am anyways, and they want to get chemo badly."

"Aren't you scared?" Isaac asked as the doors slid open, revealing the bottom floor to us. She stepped out and waited for us to do the same.

"To die is to live; to live is to gain," She said, and I swear I knew that from somewhere. Isaac nodded, pursing his lips. I wished she would explain what it meant.

"You make a good point, but isn't it hard for you to retain your faith when your life is being plucked from you?" He asked, his voice somewhat annoyed. So what she said was probably a quote from the Bible…

"It's not easy," She said, and she looked at me again, "I didn't always believe in God. I didn't believe that Jesus was my saviour. But now? Now that I am so close to the end…"

"Because you have cancer, you believe in God?" I asked, hiding a cynical laugh, "So you're trying to fix yourself for the afterlife?"

She laughed at me, shaking her head, "No, I'm not trying to get into God's good books by prancing around like some sanctimonious cow, preaching the good news but murdering children's dreams when no one is looking…" She kept shaking her head, her hands in the air, "I believed in God before I got sick. Now it is this faith that keeps me strong."

"Explain to me exactly how you can believe in God when He is taking your life." I demanded. I didn't know why this was bothering me so much.

Lily Holzer's lime eyes flashed dangerously, "Hazel Grace Lancaster, I don't need to explain anything to you. If you want to know due to some pity you hold for me, save it. If you actually want to know, you can come to me again."

"Come on, Lily, I'll give you a ride home." Patrick came up behind us, and I nearly jumped a mile in the air. He didn't really approach us after support group much.

Lily smiled at him again, and bade us farewell. Her eyes lingered on me, and I saw the pity she felt for me, but this was a different pity than I was used to. This wasn't pity for cancer. It was unfamiliar.

And it scared me.

. . .


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: The second chapter, yes! I am so excited about the feedback, so I would like to thank C, BoucheB and Danny-Shells for reviewing. This for you guys.**

**Chapter 2**

Now that I think about, meeting Lily Holzer was a blessing in diguise.

You know how sometimes you meet a person and you know you'll be best friends forever? Or soulmates? Well, this wasn't one of them.

At first I sort of hated her. She wasn't walking around, handing out flowers and telling people to "stay strong", she actually kept to herself mostly. Maybe that was why I hated her, because the image she gave was wrong.

The second time I saw her, she was eating a salad. She didn't strike me as the salad-type, seeing as she had a tad more curves than was advisable, but there she was, eating a few green leaves alone at a table in the mall cafeteria.

I waved at my friends as they left; they still had normal school, after all, and with it came homework, tests and socialising.

She spotted me and waved with bright smile, her shoulders perking up. I exchanged the wave uncertainly. I had expected her to be angry with me.

I was waiting for my mom to show up, because she dropped me off at the mall on her way to an exam. She had about another hour left until she had to come get me.

Lily proceeded to eat her salad in peace, until she looked up at an arrival. She jumped up with a broad smile and threw her arms around her friend's neck. She then pointed at me, standing awkwardly next to a railing. I was indecisive as to where to go, but she called me closer and I obeyed.

"Hazel, hi," She said, "This is Rory," She tapped her friend on his arm, "And this Hazel, I met her at that support group."

Rory... Now Rory was a fine specimen of manhood. He was tall, and he was probably an athlete, because his biceps were huge. He had a pair of warm brown eyes, a mischievous face and curly locks that nearly reached his shoulders.

Rory smiled at me, shaking my hand, "Hello, Hazel," And then he looked back at her, "What support group?"

She met my eyes, "The cancer support group," She said, forcing a smile onto her face, "Remember I told you?"

"Of course. Did you enjoy it?"

"I did. They're all very nice." She said, but her eyes didn't leave mine. It was as if she was sending me a message.

"Do you enjoy it, Hazel?" Rory asked me, and I nodded with an uncomfortable smile. What was going on here?

"Well, Lily's told me about you, and she was right, you are very pretty," He said gallantly, and I felt the blush creep up my cheeks, "You must have made some impression on her, 'cause she doesn't normally recall people."

"Do you remember my friend?" I asked her, and she smiled.

"Isaac - blind due to an operation a bit more than a year ago," She recited as if from memory, "Patrick also told me that you guys were friends with Augustus Waters. He was a good kid."

"You knew him?" I asked, desperate for some sort of part of him. I missed him. I wasn't over him, I don't think I'll ever be, but that doesn't matter. I do still have some part of him, my infinity among mere days, but I wanted more.

"Yeah, I beat the stuffing out of him at school." She grinned, and Rory frowned.

"You don't seem like a bully to me," Rory said, and Lily laughed.

"I'm not, I meant at Orators. He was biggest competition, but I still won."

So Gus was a public speaker? Or used to be. And since she's two years older than I am, I guess he was good. I never knew that.

Rory laughed again, before he looked at his watch.

"Well, I'm glad to see you're okay, but I have to go, so... I'll see you tonight?" Rory stood, putting a hand on her shoulder. She nodded, not looking up at him, and he left with a frown on his face.

"Okay, what's going on?" I asked when I was certain he couldn't hear us.

"He doesn't know," She murmured, pushing her plate away from her.

"Doesn't know what?" I asked, though I suspected that I knew.

"That I have cancer." She whispered, and I was a bit smug, I guessed as much.

"Why not?"

"Because I don't know how to tell him." She answered, finally meeting my eyes.

"What exactly is he to you?" I asked, lifting a brown eyebrow. She sighed.

"That's a good question too. None of my friends know that I have cancer, and I intend on keeping it that way."

"You can't hide it forever," I pointed out.

"But I can avoid telling them." She replied easily, stealing a piece of feta cheese from her salad.

"I don't think that's a good idea," I said, "Imagine what they'll do when they find out you didn't tell them?"

"I just don't want their pity, I get enough of it," She said, a tad fiercely, "I detest it."

"You can detest pity all you want, but they still deserve to know." I said, rolling my shoulders and sitting back in the plastic chair.

"Who deserves to know what?" Rory popped up behind me, and I nearly jumped a mile in the air. I thought he had to be somewhere? "Sorry, Hazel, didn't mean to scare you." He held up his arms, a new bag hanging on his left thumb.

Lily sighed, getting money from her purse and slamming it onto the table, before she bolted.

Great, running away always solves problems, doesn't it?

I got up, collected her money and waved the waitress over. I asked her to put it the leftover salad in a take-away bag and turned to a very confused Rory.

How did I end up in the middle of this?

"Take this to her," I shoved the take-away into his arms, "Now..."

"Hazel," Rory stopped me mid-sentence, and fixed his eyes on me, "Would you like to join us for youth group?"

"For what?"

"Youth group," He repeated, "You know... Only it's like church, but not really strict, and there's no dress code..."

Great, another Jesus freak. What were they trying to do, convert a dying soul to the cause?

"No thanks," I said, "I don't need a God that's too busy killing me to keep me alive."

"And what gives you the idea that it's God killing you?" He asked fiercely.

"Well, He made me, why would He kill me unless I'm a mistake?" I fired back.

"God doesn't make mistakes," Rory said calmly, "And killing you isn't His work."

"Then whose is it?"

"It is part of life! To be born and to die are the two things every human has in common, for crying out loud! You can't choose either of these, and accepting this is a part of life."

He had a point. It was a natural thing, and I have accepted the fact that I'm going to die young. It didn't mean I had to like it.

"Why make the young die?" I asked after a while.

"Because old people would be terrified otherwise," He said gently, his expression softening, "Just come. You don't have to like it. Please? Just once."

"What do you do at this group?" I asked carefully. It couldn't be worse than cancer support group, right?

"Nothing too strange," He said, "Just go. Just once. If you don't like it, you can leave."

"Fine. Where and when is it?"

"It's tomorrow at six pm, at the CFC hall just outside town," He said, his hands explaining more than his words were.

"Okay, I know where that is," I said, making a mental note.

Rory took his leave with her take-away, saying that he'd catch up to her before the avocado went brown.

I thought I'd give it a go, you know? If I don't like it, I can leave, as he said. At least I'd know him and presumably Lily.

She had no idea, but Rory had a thing for her. I was almost jealous, but I'd already had my epic love story.

. . .

**A/N: Please review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks to WreckItRalphFan for reviewing that last chapter.**

**Also: I'm quite fond of my OC, Lily, and since she is the other main character in this fic, I thought I'd do a chapter from her POV. Now, be warned, she is a tad crass.**

**Chapter 3**

**Lily**

"Hey sweetie, where are you going?" Mom asked when I made my way downstairs. I looked up at her, and felt my eyes soften. She was pudgy, her hair cropped short, a face that looked about 8 years younger than she was. She was pretty, she had a warm smile and a warm hug.

"I'm going to Youth, mom, Rory's picking me up," I replied, swiping my hair into a messy ponytail, "I'll be back late, probably, so don't wait up," I pressed a kiss to her cheek.

Something attached to my leg, and I laughed, bending down, "Hey sweetheart," I said and the little girl smiled at me, "You take care of granny, okay?"

"Where are you going, auntie?" She asked. She was pretty, and she looked a lot like her father. Her skin was dark and she had the same naughty expression that my brother always had. Her dark brown hair came down in a bob cut. She had her mother's eyes; a dark green. Mine were a shade lighter, though.

"I'm going to Church, uncle Rory's picking me up," I said, pulling myself to my feet.

"Have you told him yet?" Mom asked next, a frown creasing between her eyes.

"Nope," I said, moving to fridge, "Milk?"

"Yes!" Hannah giggled, "Please, auntie."

"Bring a glass, baby. Mom?"

Mom shook her head as Hannah put a glass on the table.

"Get another one for your brother, please," And Hannah ran to cupboard again.

"You have to tell him sometime," Mom said, "He's your best friend."

"No, you're wrong, Lynk is," I corrected her, "Hey mom, I was thinking, can we move my room?"

She looked up at me sharply, and I shrinked internally.

"Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm fine, but please?" I said, "The fridge is too far away. I can take the kids' room and they can take mine. It's bigger anyways." I finished with a shrug.

It was a lie. I was afraid that I'd be confined to a wheelchair in the future and my parents would have to struggle with the stairs.

"So you want a smaller room, because it's closer to the fridge?" She smiled, though I knew she saw through my lie. She always knew.

"Yeah. Hey, do we need anything? Rory's coming early, I asked him to take me to the store first," I put the milk away as Hannah took her plastic glass, thanked me, and sat down at the small yellow table we got for them.

"Danny!" I called, and a chubby three year old boy came into view, the spitting image of his father. Same brown eyes and same expression. The only difference was that Danny actually smiled when we took his picture.

"Give me a kiss, baby," And Danny pressed a kiss to my lips before joining his sister.

"Maybe grab some bread, milk and a Coke?" She said, "And some yoghurt, I finished yours."

"Okay, no worries," I replied, then I heard a car outside, "See you tomorrow," I kissed her cheek again, before kissing dad goodbye, "Love you guys!"

"Love you!" Mom and dad yelled in unison. And the cries of 'love you' echoed from the two kids.

My brother, Daniel, died in April a year ago, and the kids are living with us. Their mother is three years my senior and can't really care for them.

My brother died of brain cancer too. The same one I have. Only he was 28 and I'm 19. It's tearing my mother apart, I can see it. Plus my older sister is being a total bitch, I forbade my mother from telling her.

Fucking cancer. Starts as a small cell and then blooms into a poisonous flower, eating you from the inside out, sometimes even daring to steal your sanity at the very end. I repeat, fucking cancer.

Rory met me outside; his face lit up when he saw me. He's 24, and I know the man has a crush on me. And if I'm honest, I kinda like him too.

But I am dying. And I'm not that selfish. I prefer to play the part of ignorant schoolgirl in all of this.

But I did nearly fall into his arms, because his expression said he was so excited to see me and his arms were wide open and waiting... He enveloped me in a warm hug and I breathed in his scent; he smelled like cinnamon and coffee.

"Hey Lee," He said, kissing the top of my head, "Come on, let's go." He opened the door to his small, red car.

An hour later and we were waiting at the church, early, eating soft serve ice cream.

"So, are you going to tell me what been bothering you?" He asked after a while.

"And I thought I'd been hiding it so well," I said sarcastically, "I just... I can't talk about it."

"Lily... You're my best friend, you know that, right?" He said, putting a hand on the side of my neck, "Is it James?"

"No, I haven't spoken to James," I spat, "And I don't intend to. Piece of shit."

"You can trust me, you know?"

"Yeah, I know," I replied, "But not yet."

"I trust you," he said, taking his hand away to save his falling ice cream, "But you can come to me anytime."

I met Rory at a local private school. He's a priest in training, used to be a national football player, but gave it all up for CFC - Church for Christ. He had been standing in as a Bible teacher and coach, whilst my department was more in the Science department. I did help him coach, though, or I yelled at the people how to breathe correctly and to lift their knees when running.

He quit and I was fired (or asked to leave because they couldn't afford me anymore - the dicks, they were supposed to pay my studies). I work as a nanny now, and I still have to tell my bosses that I'm dying. I wonder how they'll take it.

I was diagnosed in February, and I turned 20 in April, I just keep forgetting that I'm 20 years old. Now it's October and I have neglected to tell everyone but my parents and the people at the cancer support group.

I sighed, I should tell my bosses, though.

Rory got out of the car, and I waited patiently for him to open the door for me. He was really insistent on being a gentleman. It's rather adorable, the way he carries me on his hands, figuratively, of course.

As I got out, I nearly bumped heads with him. I stood, but leaning back, because he was suddenly really close to me.

"You should leave your hair like this more," He said, toying with a lock of my hair (I hadn't even combed my hair), "It's really pretty."

"Thank you," I breathed, wondering where the hell my voice went. I could smell his breath, like mint after the pepermint ice cream, and I could smell the cinnamon I associated with him...

He took a step away to allow me to exit, mostly because another car entered CFCs lot.

It was Hazel. She had her oxygen tank with her, and Rory immediately opened the door for her. She was taken aback a bit, but went with it.

"Hey," She said when they were near Rory's car, "Is it just us?"

"For now - give it a moment," I smiled, though it probably came out as a smirk, "How have you been doing?"

"I'm fine, thanks, and you?" She lifted an eyebrow, and I knew she was silently asking me if I had told Rory.

"I'm okay, been a bit down," I replied, "And no, he doesn't know."

"Yet," Rory filled in, and I rolled my eyes.

"It's between us girls," I said, putting an arm around Hazel's shoulders, "Right, babe?"

"Do not call me babe," She said, though I knew was just kidding.

"But... calling people babe is my thing!" I moaned, and I let my arm fall from her shoulders.

She laughed at my silliness and patted my arm.

"Wait 'til you meet JM and Liz - you're gonna freak," I said, just as the two arrived in the former's car. JM was tall, broad-shouldered and blonde, like Rocky Horror blonde, and Liz was a short, semi-pudgy girl with strawberry blonde hair. She was also one of my best friends and I attacked her with a hug.

I pulled her away from the group as Rory introduced Hazel to JM.

"Liz... I, uh, I have to tell you something," I said, putting a careful hand on her bicep.

"You and Rory finally got together?" She gussed, and I rolled my eyes.

"No, and we aren't going to," I said pointedly, settling down on a patch of grass, patting the lush green so she would join me. She plopped herself down and looked at me expectantly.

"So... What is it then?"

I bit my lip, "Liz... I-I have... I have..." I couldn't say it. Why was it so fucking easy at the support group and not to her? I've known her for years!

"Words, Lily, use your words," She said, her face twisted with worry, "What do you have?"

"Cancer," I said softly, looking at the dark green near my feet. I didn't dare look up, knowing how she would look at me, "I have brain cancer. Same as Daniel's."

I didn't cry. I was empty of tears. I cried my last tear when my brother was buried the day before my 19th birthday.

"What did your mom say?" She asked shakily, and I knew she was crying, but she didn't want me to know.

"Nothing. But I can see it's getting to her," I answered, starting to play with my ponytail.

"And you?" Her voice sounded okay, so I looked up. Her eyes were red and the tear tracks from her eyes to her cheeks were evident.

"I'm fine," I said, "Seriously, I am. I thought I would be sad or angry, but... I don't know, I'm calm and full of calm resignation."

"When?" She asked, and I cringed inwardly.

"February." I said, and I waited for her to blow up.

"You've known for eight months?" She half-shrieked, "Who else knows?"

"My parents and Hazel," I pointed to the new girl, "She's at the cancer support group, and Patrick asked me to go..."

"I wanna kill you," She said, before letting a deep breath out, "But I can understand why. So, when are you gonna tell the others?"

"I'm not," I said, "And neither are you, please?"

"Why not? They could pray for you," She reasoned, and whilst I believed that prayer could work miracles, I... I don't know, I wanted to die.

"Because I'm terminal, Liz," I breathed, "And miracles only go so far."

"Our God, Lily, is an awesome God," She said, quoting one of my favourite songs, "You seem to forget what the Lord has done for us."

"I haven't," I replied coolly, "But, Liz, I'm so tired. So many things have happened in the span of eight months and I'm tired."

"Are you tired of life?"

"Yes!" I answered.

"Will you let me pray for you?" She asked softly, and I nodded. I was hoping she would.

I had known her since we were nine, and while our relationship wasn't always as firm as it is now, I knew she would come through for me.

She reached into handbag and produced a tiny bottle of what I knew was olive oil, anointing oil. She rubbed her hands in it, her eyes closed, before she reached forward and took my hands.

"Our Heavenly Father," She started, "Bless this girl. This amazing girl, and make her feel Your amazing love. Jesus, fill Lily with hope! Hope to carry on and fight! Because she is Your child, and You love her. Please, Jesus, give her this. Give her a miracle. In Jesus' name. Amen."

I opened my eyes, and Liz started to laugh at me. I joined in, wiping my eyes. No tears.

She helped me to my feet and we moved to the others, where others had joined. I saw Hazel glance at me cryptically, and I moved to her side.

I knew what it felt like to be alone at this youth group and not have anyone to guide you.

"Just remain calm," I whispered to her, "They're actually quite harmless." I was looking at two tall boys, one was 17 and one 21, the one 21 actually still attending school and the 17 year old not. They were always so happy, so full of love and willing to spread the word of God.

I glared at the 17 year old, I wasn't a fan of his and everyone at this fucking group knew it.

"Hey, Lily-pie!" The 17-year old screeched as he saw me. I went to hide behind Rory, but he was already in front of me.

"Hey Jamesie," JM said, or Rocky as I call him, as James came up to us, "You're an asshole." And he struck his large fist into James' nose.

"What the hell?" Hazel yelled, "I thought this was a Christian Youth Group, not a cult!"

"Wait," James said, pulling his body up to his full height, but with his hand covering his nose, "I beserved bat," He attempted to say, "I'b sorry, Lily."

"Save it." I snapped at him. I saw something in his eyes, but he didn't reply.

"He's just a jackass, Hazel," JM said, "He deserved so much more."

JM glanced at me, and I fastened myself to Rory's shoulders.

"Come on, guys, let's go," Rory said, and I quickly let go.

Time to face the music.

. . .

**A/N: Please review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thank you to the amazing WreckItRalphFan for the review on the last chapter.**

**Now, I know that Christians aren't supposed to swear like Lily did, but the fact of the matter is that some do. I know many Christians who swear, and I myself swear. I'm not going to write about teenagers and young adults and do so by covering up the bad. The swearing is also sort of a symbolic way of Lily escaping depression, and the less she swears, the happier she is. **

**This will be toned down, I promise.**

**Chapter 4**

**Hazel**

This church is so weird.

We weren't all that many, to be honest, and we didn't even fill the first two rows of the centre block of the church.

But no one was bothered by the turnout. Lily and I sat in front with her two friends, Liz and JM, while that James character remained as far away from them as possible.

Rory took a microphone in hand and greeted us. I guess he was the Youth Leader here.

"Welcome everyone, to CFC," He said, "Now, we have some new faces here this evening, and that's just great. We'll be starting the evening with a song of worship or two. Now, what we do here is we turn off the lights," He twirled his one finger around to indicate the building, "And we will have the words on the board behind me. You can feel free to stay where you are or move around. This isn't structured worship, guys." He switched the mike off and the lights dimmed, except for at the back of the church.

A loud, upbeat started to play, and everyone filed out, going to different sections that they had seemingly ordained as their own. I remained firmly seated - they did say I could do what I wanted, and I'd been standing outside for a long time.

_"Oh - happy day, happy day! You washed my sin away, oh happy day, happy day! I'll never be the same!" The song played, and I looked around at everyone. _

Liz, the pretty girl that Lily talked to earlier, was pacing slowly, with her arms clasped together and her eyes screwed shut, but her mouth moved... But not to the 'forever I am changed' words that were playing.

JM was bouncing up and down on one place, belting the lyrics, one hand in the air and eyes closed too.

James, the guy the blonde JM had punched earlier, was sitting in a corner, his head bowed. Rory was watching him, and I could tell that whatever James had done, had severely ticked off the Youth Leader.

I shifted my attention to the person everyone seemed to be protecting: Lily.

She was sitting in front of a drum kit, her head on her knees. Then she stood up, her eyes also closed, and she sang along.

_"When I stand in that place, free at last, meeting face to face, I am Yours, Jesus, You are mine!"_

I stopped. What place? Heaven? I know I did believe in Somewhere, but I never believed in heaven.

A hand touched my shoulder gently, and I looked up at Rory.

"You okay?" He crouched down behind me as the words 'what a glorious day, what a glorious way' played loudly.

"I'm fine," I answered, and he smiled at me, "This is odd."

"It's to call the Holy Spirit," He explained, "It is to enter a new level, sort of, so that our hearts listen and not our ears."

His smile broadly as the music picked up, and then he pulled me to my feet, and he took my hands.

"Oh, happy day, happy day..." He moved me gently into a swing, he was dancing with me. And I laughed, I already liked him. Not in the way he likes Lily, but he was such a fun person.

The song ended, but the lights remained dim.

"Dear Lord Jesus," Rory's voice called out, "We ask that You bless us tonight with Your presence!"

"Amen!" Someone echoed.

"We ask that You enfold us in Your love!"

"Amen, Jesus!" Someone else yelled.

"Amen." Rory said, and the next song started.

This was weird. I had always seen people say 'amen' after a priest or reverend on TV, but never thought it would happen for real.

I sat down again, my lungs were acting shitty. And as I sat down, I watched a series of dramatic events unfold.

James, who was tall and handsome, had sneaked up behind my new friend, and just as he was about to touch her, Rory had him around the chest and was drawing him back. James stuggled against Rory's grip, but Rory wrestled him into a headlock.

JM ran forward and pulled them apart. He yelled at both men, and James looked at the floor, but Rory yelled back. The music was too loud for me to hear, but it ended with Lily turning around and walking from the church. Rory immediately forgot about his argument with James and ran after her.

The music stopped and the lights came back on, and Lily pushed Rory inside again. They were arguing silently until they saw that everyone was watching them.

"Please take your seat," Rory said, suddenly as calm as a cucumber, and Lily took her place next to mine again. Though she did shoot James with a glare that terrified even me.

"So, I know there have been gossiping going around this church, and I'm tired of it," Rory said, "James, you are to stay away from Lily, okay? You have hurt her enough, and she expressly told you to back off."

"Those were not exactly her words," The tall and handsome James replied, "And why am I the bad guy in this?"

"Because you're the one who doesn't want to drop it," Lily snapped at him, "So, and I'm not gonna swear here, back the hell off or I will make you."

And even I believed her. And I had no idea what was going on. I'm assuming they had a romance and it didn't work out well.

"Oh, sure, you choose her side because you're so fricken in love with her," James spat, and Lily flew out of her seat.

I was up in time to stop her, and she sat down again, breathing deeply. I heard her mutter under her breath.

"And if I am?" Rory fired back, "At least I didn't force myself..."

The entire hall fell silent. I guess two things were just revealed: one, Rory was in love with Lily and two) James had forced himself on Lily.

"Can we not discuss my very exciting love life?" Lily sneered, "This isn't why we come to church."

"I agree," Liz echoed.

"Back to the sermon," Rory shook his head, "I wanted to talk about gossiping, actually, or, more accurately, about judging people before we know them."

Silence reigned victoriously for another moment.

"You hear the word 'Christian', one normally thinks of the perfect life. No sin, no sadness, no tears, no anger - basically no emotions. One normally assumes that God will take all of this away."

"Well, He doesn't. One thing God gave man was free will. And this free will has caused all the evil in our world. This free will has caused sin to spread like cancer amongst the veins of humanity, causing infections, death and decay everywhere it goes. This - this isn't God's will, it is man's. And who are we to judge in the first place?"

"Amen!" Someone cried out.

"People take one look at me and think 'Oh, great, look, a Jesus Freak, he goes around praying for the poor and sick, but it's just a show', or 'Look, a jock, he has no brains'. What do people think when they look at you?"

"It doesn't matter," Lily piped up, and I started, "Why do give a damn about what people think?"

"And therein lies the rub," Rory nodded, "Jesus, our Saviour, was laughed at and mocked, He was spat on and forced to carry his own cross. He died, guys, for us. Imagine, guys, if your parents had to give you up for everyone else in the world. Imagine you had a child and you had to give it up, or you had to watch them die..."

"God loves us. I know we don't understand why or how, but He does. He offered his only son up for us... So that we can be free, so that we can be judged by the ultimate Judge for our sins, but not under law, under His mercy."

"God's mercy is unending, don't you realise that? Can't you see that? Imagine an ocean, any ocean, and dip your toe into it. That bit of water dripping off your toe is the mercy you have received, and the rest of the ocean? That is what you will receive."

"Now, I'm not saying not to follow God's law and go crazy, I'm just saying that you can choose how you will be judged. Would you rather be judged by what the ten commandments in Exodus say, or by the mercy Jesus speaks of?"

He made a good point. I had never thought of it that way, to be honest. I always thought Christianity had too much rules, too much dogma to cling too. What he was saying, was that we, as humans, were free.

Mercy versus Law was another valid argument. I prefer mercy.

"Jesus said that He is the way, the truth and the light," Rory said, and I heard a new emotion in his voice as it softened, "He was there when God created the universe and He will come for us again at the end."

"Amen!"

"Whoever believes in Him, will receive eternal life," Rory finished, before he closed his eyes, "Let's pray."

And we did. Silently, each on our own.

And for the first time in a very long time, I prayed too.

. . .

I saw Lily at support group again that week. And she said she felt 'awful, like a piece of crap' when asked; Patrick flinched.

"Please refrain from that language in a church," He said softly, and Lily laughed cynically.

"Patrick, dear, sweet Patrick... The church is not a building. The church is the people. Jesus said 'Where two or more are gathered in My name, there I will be also'. So, Patrick, kindly stuff it."

"What is your point?" Isaac asked next to me.

"The people are the church, not the the building, and I don't feel as though we are gathered here in His name, we are gathered here for ourselves. I'm not going to change who I am to satisfy Patrick over here. Sorry, Patrick, but if I want to use that word, I will."

"It isn't Christian!"

"Find me the verse in the Bible that says the word 'crap' is a sin, and I will take it all back," She replied, before getting up and walking to the door, where she turned around, "I'm done here, Patrick. You put on this facade of perfection for us to see and to aspire to, but it's a bunch of bull. A church is not supposed to be a bloody museum for perfect lives, it is supposed to be a hospital for those with a broken spirit."

Isaac opened his mouth, before he closed it again and collected his cane, "Lily, wait," He said, getting to his feet. I was on my feet too, guiding him to the door. He took her arm and they got in the lift.

"Hazel?" Patrick called to me.

I took a deep breath, or as deep as I could, and stepped into the lift too.

"That was dramatic," Isaac said, "But I agree with you."

"Would you like to come to the Youth Group?" She asked, "It's every Thursday. And we don't sit in a circle feeling sorry for ourselves."

"I'd love to," He said, "I'm sorry I was such a dick last time."

"Nah, we all get those moments. Hey, it's another 30 minutes before Rory comes to pick me up, would you guys like an ice cream?"

"My mom's waiting," Isaac said, and I knew she was, we were already heading that way, "But next time yes. Where's the Youth Group?"

"I'll pick you up," I volunteered, and I saw Lily smile, "But I'm so taking that offer of ice cream."

We waved Isaac off as he started to explain to his mother what had happened, or rather we waved his mother off. Yeah, waving wasn't the best idea to greet a blind kid.

Lily and I went to a nearby cafe, and ordered two chocolate soft serve ice creams.

"Why do you swear?" I asked, and she smiled.

"Because my vocabulary is so large that I confuse people when I don't," She said, and I laughed.

"But Christians don't normally swear," I said, "I know what you said in there, and it makes sense, but every person has a reason for swearing. Popularity, group pressure, depression..."

"There it is," She answered, "Depression. I'm calling that my reason."

"That doesn't make sense," I said, "Care to explain?"

"People think I've lead the perfect life, so it's easy for me to be a Christian; but it's the opposite. My life hasn't been easy, at all."

I nodded thoughtfully, "Should I ask?"

"You want to know what my life has been like?" She raised an eyebrow.

"In a nutshell. You tell me yours, I'll tell you mine." I shrugged.

I didn't know if I liked her yet, but I did like talking to her. She wasn't trying to shove her beliefs down my throat, she wasn't defending who she was or what she believed in... She was stating what she thought was right without fearing what others thought.

"Okay... Uh... My father was an alcoholic, he rejected me and decided I wasn't his daughter," She started, "After which I had a few quiet years with my mom and her boyfriend, who basically raised me. When I was 15 my father did the actual rejection, and I had my very first depression. It was nasty. A year later I was molested by my brother-in-law, thereby losing my sister, because she just had to choose his fucking side."

She paused to lick her ice cream, and I knew my eyes were wide.

"My other sister decided I wasn't good enough to be her sister, or that I was too honest, or whatever, but I don't have contact with her."

"My youngest brother died about a year ago, and now we are raising his kids. He had the same cancer as I have now. And I will be the fifth person my mother will lose due to cancer in the course of three years. I can see her suffering, and I can't do anything about it."

"Then, before I found out I had cancer, I got a job at a school who agreed to pay for my studies. And then they fucking fired me, without any means to pay for my studies. After which James decided I was an object - that is what that is all about, by the way. He used me, and I didn't take kindly to it when he dumped me."

"When you say used..."

"We didn't have sex," She said, "But yeah. So if you want to yell at me for using the word 'fuck' too much, save it." She smiled.

I didn't reply. She did make a very good point, though, with the whole perfect life thing. I felt sorry for her, for everything she'd been though.

Rejection by her father, molested, her brother's death... Then, as if life wasn't satisfied with how it had troubled her, it decided "Let's give her cancer at a young age".

Why?

"And you still believe in God?" I asked, but this time it wasn't me accusing her. It was me asking how the heck she could believe?

"Yes. Hazel, my father could've tossed me away entirely when I was born, the molesting part could've been so much worse... Hazel, yes, I've had a difficult life. But look at the rest: my job now pays three times what the school paid me, if I hadn't had that thing with James, I wouldn't have Rory..."

She smiled suddenly, "I swear because I can only focus on the negative; I am so utterly blessed, but still I focus on the bad."

"Then change your perspective," I suggested.

"I will. Now, tell me why you don't believe in God," She said, licking her ice cream again.

"Because I can't see this amazing God as killing young people, like us, and creating cancer," I answered truthfully, "It doesn't make sense."

"To live, Hazel, is to die..." She started.

"- and to die is to gain, I know, but I don't understand it." I said quickly.

"To live, to truly live, means that you must die in spirit and be reborn with your identity in Christ. To die means that you get to go to Jesus. That's all it means."

"So I have to die in myself? How does that happen?"

She smiled as she bit into her sugarcone, "Come to Youth again tomorrow, and you'll see."

"About that... I want to ask you something." I said carefully. Because after Rory's sermon something happened, something I didn't understand fully.

"You want to ask why we fall?" She guessed, and I nodded.

After the sermon, the lights had been dimmed and a song started to play.

Only this one was slower. It was more emotional, the music made goosebumps appear all over my arms.

Rory and James, ironically enough, seemingly teamed up and went from person to person.

They started with Liz. Rory put his hands on her shoulders and bowed his head. He prayed for her, and then he exhaled and she fell backwards, into James' arms. He laid her down gently, and they went to JM.

Lily had been standing next to me, surveying everything, not partaking in the song.

"Rory prays for us, and then he asks the Holy Spirit to heal us. Which happens. And our bodies can't handle that love, so we kinda fall over," She shrugged, "Or at least that's how I see it."

"I've never experienced it," I said, "But it is admittedly interesting."

"So, you'll go again?" She grinned, and I decided that I liked her. She was so free, so abundant in life... I had expected someone as old as her with cancer to be in a permanent rut, not that I could blame them.

"Yeah, I think so," I replied, "So, what do you do for a living?"

"I am a nanny, I guess, though the word 'governess' sounds better to my ears," Lily answered, "I get the kid from school and help him with his homework. The rest of the time I had used to study, but I've decided to stop."

"Why?"

"Because teaching was never my passion," She smiled, "It had been my back-up plan."

"Then what is your passion?"

"Fiction, my dear Hazel. Fantasy, flight and fancy words, like governess," She held her nose in the air and I laughed.

"Have you finished anything?"

"Plenty, but mostly soppy romances from my teen years," She finished her sugar cone, "And you?"

"Oh, I was diagnosed when I was really young, so I never really planned for a future," I admitted, "But I would have liked to teach..."

She put a hand, her pink nail polish chipped, on my arm, "Miracles, Hazel, believe in them."

"Do you?" I asked quietly.

"Yeah, of course," She answered, "And you deserve it."

At that moment my mom hooted the car behind me, and I bade Lily goodbye.

She waved as Rory made his appearance behind her. She smiled at him, and then dropped her eyes.

I wish she could have a miracle.

. . .

**A/N: The song in this text is "Happy Day" by Jesus Culture. I don't own the song.**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: This fic should be finished soon at the rate I'm going. The poem I reference here is Death be not proud" by John Donne. It is worth a look at.**

**Also, thanks to WreckItRalphFan for another review. I promise this chapter doesn't have any f words in it. **

**This chapter is also dedicated to above reviewer. Thank you.**

**Chapter 5**

**Hazel**

Mom wanted to come along for the Youth Group. She didn't like that I wasn't going to the support group anymore, and thought I had joined a strange club.

"Mom, it _Youth_ Group, not 'bring your parents' group," I whined. I didn't exactly explain to her why I didn't want to go to the support group anymore. I didn't know either, really. Because I was bored? Because I was tired?

...because I was empty inside?

"But I haven't even met anyone from the group! I knew Gus and Isaac from the support group, now I don't know anyone at all. What's worse is that you suddenly feel like socialising? "

"They're all really nice, mom. A bit weird, but nice, and they aren't ashamed to be who they are." I said quickly. I didn't know why I wanted to go so badly; maybe with what Lily had said about going tonight.

"Still. I would like to meet one of these very nice new people you've met," She decided, "Ask one to join us for lunch."

"And then you'll let me go? Because I promised Isaac I would pick him up." I said, and she looked around at me, shocked.

"Isaac's going?" She asked with her brow furrowed.

"Yes, he walked out on Patrick too," I answered, "The new girl said she didn't like going to a church that was like a museum for Christians, when it should be a hospital for the broken souls."

"My, the new girl seems to have made an impression on you," Mom said, eyes wide, "And also very poetic."

"I'll ask her to come over, okay? Can I go then?" I asked. Mum laughed and agreed. I called Lily immediately.

Lily was there within minutes, falling over her feet from a bag she was carrying, barefoot and in a sundress. She grinned at us.

"Hello, Mrs Lancaster and Hazel, my name is Lily Holzer and I like Spider-man," She said, heaving the bag onto the table, where she proceeded to shake my mother's hand.

"I've always preferred Superman," Mom laughed, "But what has this to do with anything?"

"Studies show that if I tell you a random fact about myself, I will gain your trust, though I think it's all bull, but I gandered a test at it. How are you doing?"

"I'm doing fine," Mom said, "Now, I have to know what's going on at these Youth Group meetings. And what did you do to make such an impression on my daughter?"

"We sing, pray and listen to a preacher," Lily replied, "We spread the good news of Jesus, ma'am, or we try to."

Mom nodded, pursing her lips, "And what did you do to make an impression?"

"I…" Lily looked at me, as if asking what she had done, but I just drew my shoulders up, "I have no idea. Maybe it's because I'm terminal, like her, or the fact that I swear."

"You're terminal?" Mom just about sailed over the fact that Lily cusses. I don't think it bothers my mom that much, to be honest.

"Yes, brain cancer," She answered, "The doctors gave me two years to live."

"That's awful. Have you gone for treatment?" Mom was concerned. I had only ever seen her concerned about Augustus, dad and I.

"No, ma'am, if I die young… well, then I win, don't I?" She grinned.

Mom was about to ask what she meant, but I jumped the gun, "Lily says that when she dies, she gets to be with Jesus," I said, "That was what made the impression. You don't seem to mind dying young."

"Oh, I mind. I mean, I'll never get married and have kids, but I guess it wasn't meant to be." She grimaced. And I saw pain. For the first time since I met her, I saw pain. Not the disgust she displayed when she claimed to be feeling terrible, not the indifference when she told me her life story in highlights, not the anger when she told Patrick to stuff it. I saw pain.

Mom must've seen it too, because the next thing I knew was mom hugging her, mom holding her closely and whispering the words 'it'll be fine' in her ear. Lily returned the hug and smiled when they pulled apart.

"I'm so sorry," Mom whispered again, and excused herself to make coffee. I lead Lily to the living room, and she pulled her oversized bag with us.

"Okay, what is in that bag and why is it so heavy?" I asked, letting Phillip lean against my leg. She grinned and put her hand in the bag, pulling out a book.

"I have decided to leave my friends a little something of me behind," She proclaimed, handing the book to me, "That is one of my favourites, I must have read it a dozen times."

The words _King of Shadows_ gleamed in glossy green on the cover, a mask underneath it, with Susan Cooper's name at the bottom of the cover.

"To all of your friends? Does this mean you're telling them?" I asked, turning the book around. It was a children's book, or that's what I gathered.

"Yeah. I told my bosses today, and they offered to pay for my chemo and operation. I told them thanks but no thanks."

"Well, thank you for this," I put the book on the coffee table where _An Imperial Affliction_ was lying, I had been reading it before mom insisted on knowing what we were doing at YG.

Lily's eyes caught the book, "Ah, that one I liked too."

"You've read it?" I asked, unbelieving.

"You'll have to search far and wide for a book I haven't read," She laughed. Mom entered at that moment with sandwiches and salad and three steaming cups of coffee. I took a sandwich, mom took one but Lily just heaped salad onto her plate. I think she has a sort of salad-fetish.

She left at 12:30, saying she would see me later. Mom agreed that I could go, and she said that she liked Lily.

It was hard not to, even with her tendency to copy the best sailors' mouths out there.

. . .

I waited outside Isaac's house while his mother guided him out. She waved at me with a smile when we drove off, and I was struck by how kind she was again.

"Hey, Hazel?" Isaac asked after a while. He seemed to be deep in thought the way his lips were pursed.

"Yeah?"

"Do you still think of him?" He asked softly. I didn't need to ask who 'him' was.

"All the time. You?" I asked, turning in at Church for Christ. No one was there yet. I glanced at my watch, we were there really early.

"Me too," He said, "He was that one friend who could make me smile, who could understand without me saying _anything._ I miss him, Hazel."

I leaned over and hugged him. "I miss him too, Isaac. He was a good guy."

"I don't understand why he had to die," Isaac said, his arms around me, his hands clutching my shirt, "They say the good die young… but why us? What did we do that was so wrong that we deserve this sickness? Why did I have to become blind? Why do you have to have shitty lungs? Why did Gus have to die?" He was crying into my shirt, "Why do you have to die too?"

"I'm not dead yet," I said, "And I'm gonna go on for as long as I can, Isaac."

"But you'll leave me too, Hazel, and I'll be heartbroken all over again." He said, sniffing. I let go of him to hand him a tissue. He wiped his nose and I wiped the tears from his cheeks.

"Maybe I'll have a miracle," I suggested, and he laughed cynically.

"I hope for miracles every day. I wished one for Gus and I wish one for you. I'm cancer-free, but I'll be dependent on someone for the rest of my life. I already had my miracle: it was surviving cancer."

I took his hand in mine, and he drew my hand to his lips, kissing my knuckles. I blushed at this.

"You're amazing," He said, before letting my hand go. He opened his mouth to say something, but thought better of it and shut his mouth.

I was about to ask when another car pulled in; Rory's small, red car. I got out, walked around to Isaac and helped him out. Rory walked around to open the door for Lily, and she was still in her sundress, still barefoot. I wondered if she went to work like that. There were small rocks, so she jumped on Rory's back and he carried her to the pavement.

"Rory, this is Isaac," I introduced them, and Rory took Isaac's hand and shook.

"Hey, it's nice to meet you," Rory said before bestowing a hug upon me. Lily was greeting Isaac with a hug, and I saw him blush. He must've felt her curves, because Lily had many of those.

The same crowd as last time appeared: the pretty Liz, the blonde JM, the tall and handsome James, and many of the others I hadn't really talked to. JM sent glares James' way the entire time, and Liz flipped her hair in a very mean way.

The start was the same as last time. Songs were sung, different songs this time, and we were welcomed by the youth leader.

"So, tonight it's going to be a bit different," Rory said, ignoring the microphone on the podium, but he pulled a chair to the front of the church, "We're going to sit in a circle. So, everybody grab a chair and come forward."

Lily got up, and pushed three chairs into a heap, before joining her friend at the front. She then waved me closer, saying she had our chairs.

That was thoughtful of her. There was no way i could carry a chair and Isaac would stumble over his own feet.

Isaac and I made our way, and I made a point of thanking her.

"Well, hello, my name is JM, and I'm addicted to coffee," JM joked, and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Hi, JM," The group droned.

"I'm going to hand out pens and paper," Rory said, "I want you to write your biggest fear on one paper, and on the next a question."

"That is just cruel," Isaac said, pointing to his eyes (or sunglasses), and Rory blanched, "But I'll make Hazel help me, don't worry." He grinned, and I rolled my eyes. He loved making people bad whenever they did something he couldn't.

I tapped the pen against my lip. What was my biggest fear? Heights? Darkness? Death?

No. That's not it. I didn't fear darkness or death. I feared that I wouldn't have anywhere to go when I die. That I'd be lost in world of souls who, like me, didn't have anywhere to go because they didn't believe. Maybe we would have our own special sort of hell.

I wrote that down, folding the piece of paper.

Isaac then leaned over to me, "Are you done?"

"Yeah. You ready?" I held the pen ready.

"I am. Don't laugh, okay?" He said nervously, "But my biggest fear is not being good enough for someone." I didn't laugh. I couldn't. I just wrote it down and folded the paper. I couldn't blame him, could I? He had been promised love, but then Monica broke his heart. Hey, at least we egged her car for it.

Now for my question. Why do the good die young? And Isaac's question was the same, so I didn't feel the need to write it down again. Rory then took it in, shuffled the notes, and handed them out again.

"Just read it out loud, and if you get yours back, don't say anything. Sorry, Isaac…" He looked at the floor. Guilty that this exercise was dependent on having sight.

"Nah, man, it's cool, I understand." Isaac reassured him. I smiled and took Isaac's hand. It was warm. And familiar. He was warm and familiar. He was my best friend. And I would be dying. I would be leaving him. I'm still a time bomb.

The fears were read first. Fears like 'I'm afraid I won't get into heaven', 'I'm afraid my parents will reject me', 'I'm afraid of eternal darkness' and 'I'm afraid of dying alone' came up. Death and rejection seemed to be at the centre of everyone's fears.

Then mine came.

"I'm afraid I'll be a lost soul when I die," JM read. My stomach tightened and I expected everyone to look at me, but no one did.

"Afraid of being lost?" Rory frowned, taking the paper, "Hardly. That's why you're here tonight."

I smiled. It was a fantastic answer. I guess I'm going to find an answer to that question somewhere tonight.

"Now, on to the questions," Rory said, folding open his note, "Why do the good die young? Now that is an interesting question." He mused. Lily put up a hand, and Rory motioned for her to talk. She stood, her hands at her sides.

"I believe the best die young to spare them," She said, "To spare them from all of the evil in the world. Death isn't this mighty blockade in our lives, as we sometimes see it. It isn't this huge creature breathing down our necks, flapping wings and snarling at us to hurry up and croak. Death isn't the end. I mean, John Donne said it right when he said that death was like sleep, and we like sleep, so why won't we like death? The best men go first, because they don't deserve to see the evil in the world. They're spared the evil and heartbreak."

I was crying. I hadn't cried in a long time, and the emotion I had was one I hadn't felt in a long time: hope. I wiped my cheeks with the back of my hand, and saw Isaac do the same. That was why she didn't fear death - that and meeting the Maker. She felt somewhat favoured to be chosen to die young, to be spared from the evil in the world.

"That is magnificent," Liz said, "I never thought of it that way. I've always wondered why young men and women die, and children… and it isn't always white and black, is it?"

Lily sat down again, and I saw her control was slipping. The corner of her mouth was twitching somewhat, as if it was about to turn into a silent howl of pain. She didn't want to die young... was she fooling herself? Was she conflicted?

"It isn't," Rory agreed, "And I have nothing to add to that. Well done." He smiled at her, and she smiled back at him, but it was more of a grimace.

Liz sat to his right, and she read the next question, "How do we give our lives to Jesus?"

"We believe in Him," Rory answered, "Believe that He died for our sins, we believe that He stood from death and that He will come again. He is the way, the truth and the light. And blessed are the ones who believe without seeing."

That sounded remarkably easy, didn't it? Just believe? It couldn't be that simple... could it?

JM was up next: "How can you forgive someone who hurt you so much that you cry yourself to sleep every night?"

"It's isn't easy," Rory said, "But I never claimed being a follower of the way of Christ was easy. You have to pray. Ask the Lord Jesus to help you. But also remember that He can't forgive you if you can't forgive whoever wronged you. In the Lord's Prayer we ask that He forgive us like we forgive those who trespass against us. He can't forgive us if we haven't shown another the same mercy."

The questions went on, more or less the same variant of the questions we already heard. Lily was the last one up, and she stood, cleared her throat and spoke.

"How do I go on with terminal cancer? How do I tell my friends?" She said, and her eyes became blurry for a moment, but she blinked it away quickly and sat down. I guess she got her own question back.

Rory didn't have an answer to that, but he did clear his throat after a while, "I'm guessing you just did."

That was one way to tell everyone, I thought, and everyone looked around at me.

"Hey, everyone knows I have terminal cancer, and I've been living with it for a while," I defended myself, "Why would I need to know how to tell everyone?"

"Maybe you have other friends who don't know?" JM said, though I could tell it was a half-hearted guess.

"Yes, because nubbins and an oxygen tank are so in this season," I said sarcastically. Isaac burst out in laughter, and some followed suit.

I saw Liz and Lily exchange looks, where Liz nodded and Lily sighed.

"Well, who is it? Or is it some sick joke?" James said, flipping his hair out of his eyes. He had long hair. He also had an annoying habit of flipping his hair out of his eyes and I was on the verge of offering a butterfly-clip to keep it on top of his head.

"It's me," Lily piped up, "And now that you all know… Wally, music and lights!"

The lights dimmed, song lyrics appeared on the screen and the music of _Happy Day_ started to play. Rory didn't move at all, and he was usually the first to sing. Liz made her way to Lily and hugged her, JM hugged the both of them, crying without shame.

I helped Isaac to his feet, keeping our hands together, and sang along. It was a nice song, after all, and I felt like I meant it.

James came up to me, his hair rucked behind an ear, and he bowed down.

"Can I pray for you?" He asked over the loud music. I nodded. I really wanted this. I wanted to believe in God. I wanted to be free from myself, from cancer. Please let me have a miracle, God. I need a miracle. Isaac needs a miracle too. He needs to believe in God too. Because God is real. God is alive. He is. He lives in the dancing light in Rory's eyes and He lives in the smile Liz gives to me and He lives in Lily's unmoving faith and He lives in JM's abundant dancing.

James put his hands on my shoulders and prayed softly. I couldn't hear what he was saying. But I felt something... something inside me. Something moved. My entire body was covered in goose flesh, and my entire body grew warm.

_"Hazel."_

_"God?"_

_"I died for you on that cross. Trust me."_

I have no idea how I ended up on the floor. I just know that God is real. He spoke to me... He spoke to me! God actually spoke to me! He told me to trust Him, and I will. I don't know what's going to happen, but I know that whatever is happening now, what happened tonight...

He lives in me.

_Forever I am changed!_

_. . ._

**A/N: Please review.**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Thanks to WreckItRalphFan, The Frozen Snowflake and Kate4ever12 for reviewing that last chapter.**

**Here we have Lily's POV again, and no swearing this time. Sorry for the lack of updates, I have two assignments die for university this week.**

**Also: check out the drabble I wrote for WreckItRalphFan for being such an awesome reviewer. It's called "Broken Eyes".**

**And I feel like I should share this: An anon reviewer has lifted his opinion that I am pathetic and stupid for believing in God on a fic not even related to religion. And when I ranted on my profile, I got another one that basically told me I was a deluded idiot. **

**The reviews have been removed, but I want us to pray for this person.**

**Also a warning: The lasts cene sort of contains an exorcism. I don't go into much detail, though.**

**I advise "Set me free" by Casting Crowns as soundtrack for this chapter.**

**For The Frozen Snowflake and Kate4ever12.**

**Chapter 6**

**Lily**

Selfish. That is one word that describes me. Utterly selfish.

My answer on why young people die had had a stirring effect on both Hazel and Isaac, that much I could deduce from their facial expressions, but that wasn't why I wanted them to go to YG. I wanted Rory to pray for them.

But after I dropped the bomb, he just kinda sat there. He stared at what must've been a very sexy piece of carpet for probably the entire worship session.

James ended up doing the praying. I stayed as far away as I could.

I'm actually quite lucky to have friends like Liz and JM. I've known Liz since we were nine, and we were never really close friends whilst at school, but now? She is one of the only people who said yes when I invited them to CFC YG. And she did so whilst excited, her brown eyes lighting up in excitement. She was pretty amazing.

Her story? Well... Her mother's kind of a bitch. I'm sorry to say it like that, but she is. She tries to control Liz with an iron fist, and Liz cannot be controlled. She is free.

She's been through a lot too: failed friendships and relationships among others, an attempt at suicide and even sexual abuse. Yeah... The world is really screwed up.

JM I met when I was 16. Back then his hair wasn't blonde, but a light shade of brown, and his smile was infectious to everyone who saw it.

He was always friendly, and when he got mad you ran as if the devil himself was at your heels. He was one of those super nice people you just didn't make angry if you were enjoying life. Now he's Rocky.

Those two... They were what kept me strong. And we have been through quite a lot together.

My eyes had caught something.

Hazel. Hazel being prayed for. Hazel on the floor. Somehow her oxygen tank hadn't been in the way. Hazel with a huge smile on her face. Hazel's eyes alive for the first time since I met her.

James covered her with a piece of stark white linen and moved to Isaac. Isaac's head was moving around, as if looking for someone.

I made my way over and touched his arm.

"Come on," I said loudly over the music, leading him to the door. The door was closed behind us, and the loud music became a faint thumping.

"Where's Hazel?" He asked immediately, somewhat panicked.

"She's okay, still inside," I answered calmly, and he relaxed somewhat.

"I'm sorry," He said softly, "I shouldn't have freaked out like that... But I was overwhelmed by the loud music, it was scary, and I didn't know where to go..."

"No problem, that's why I bought you outside," I explained, leading him to a stone table, "Sit down." He sat on the bench.

"Your answer earlier," He said, "About why the good die young... I like that. It makes a lot of sense too..."

"But you don't understand why you're blind?" I guessed, and he nodded, "Well... I can't answer that, but I can advise you to be patient."

"How can I be patient when I can't take care of myself?" He replied, "How can I be patient when my best friend is dying?"

"Live in the moment," I said, "Seize the day. Appreciate her while you have her."

"Why is God taking everyone I love away? Am I not good enough to spare from evil?"

I kneeled down in front of him, putting my hands on his knees and drawing his hands to mine.

"You are. But I reckon God has a bigger plan for you, mate," I whispered, "Hey, can I pray for you?"

I have never prayed in public before, nor have I prayed in front of anyone else. I don't do that type of thing, so why now?

A small voice in the back of my mind told me to just go with it.

"If you think it'll help." He shrugged. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

"Dear Lord," I started, "Here we are before You; seeking Your truth. We know that You brought us to this place, to this moment, for a reason. Lord, fill Isaac with Your presence, let him know that he is loved and cherished and that he is so special to You."

I let go of his hands, and put my hands on his head. They say all the demons and doubts reside in your head, myabe I could cast them out?

"Isaac... The Lord loved you when you were in your mother's womb. He formed you there, with the idea of the amazing person you are now. He makes no mistakes. You are a being higher than an angel. Lord, let him know that he is good enough, that he is amazing and that You wouldn't die for someone not worthy, Lord, be with Isaac. From now until forever. In Jesus' name. Amen."

"Thank you," Isaac said, his voice thick, "I think I needed that."

I got to my feet, my knees protesting against the strain.

I helped him to his feet and only entered when the music had stopped playing. Hazel found us and a smile lit up her entire face.

I guess she would be the miracle.

. . .

It was late. I knew it was late and if I got home now, the chances were that my parents would kill me before the cancer could.

Luckily I'd be spending the night at Liz's house. Also lucky that I had the next day off, or I wouldn't have been to work on time.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Rory asked. We were at Liz's house, it was 11pm (which isn't that late to be honest) and I was tired. I was really tired.

And Rory had asked me that question a total of 12 times in the last three hours, and my answer never changed.

"Because I didn't want to," I answered again, "Because I knew you'd react like this."

"You're my best friend, Lee!" He said, for the 12th time in the last three hours, "Of course I'd react like this."

"Because you're in love with me," I bit back. That was the first time I said it, tired and sick of having the same argument for three hours, "And we can't do anything about that now, because I am dying and you'll end up hurt."

"How do you know?" He asked softly, his eyes falling to his hands. He must've forgotten that he had claimed as much at the YG meeting a week ago.

"Please don't underestimate my intelligence," I snorted, folding my arms, "And you sort of told everyone at CFC last week."

"But what if I don't care?" He said, suddenly fierce.

"I care," I answered quickly, "I care too much about you to watch you suffer."

"That's ironic. You're going to be the one suffering and you're worried about me."

"I'm a living paradox," I sighed, "Just... Please?"

"Please what?"

"Stop." I said the one word that I didn't want to. I didn't want him to stop. I didn't want him to give up on me.

"I can't stop caring about you, Lily. I can't stop loving you." He said, reaching for my hand across the picnic table, but I drew both of my hands back.

"You don't. You're in love with me. There's a difference," I said, twidling my thumbs under the table.

"Are you saying you don't feel anything for me?"

"No, I'm not. Heaven knows I do, but I can't be that selfish." I said. I really didn't care about the game of flirting anymore, of drawing attention and dancing around. I didn't have time for that.

"Can you give us a chance?" He asked, as if it's a last-ditch effort.

"No, I can't," I said, standing up, "Can you please leave now? I'm exhausted and I need my beauty sleep."

He stood too, but his eyes didn't leave mine.

"I'm not giving up," He said slowly.

"Good, what fun would I have in rejecting you just once?"

His eyes flashed, and I knew I struck a cord. He shook his head, his curles bouncing around his ears, before he offered me a hug. He still smelled like cinnamon and coffee.

I wonder if I can take that wonderful smell with me when I die.

"Are you smelling me?" He asked.

"Yeah. You need a shower - seriously." I said smoothly, and he laughed.

I smiled a smile I knew he thought was adorable when he got in his car.

"Drive safely and let me know when you're home safe, okay?"

He nodded and sped off. With a sigh I waited until he was out of sight before I returned to the house.

Liz was asleep, and I crawled into bed next to her. I found a pillow and hugged it to my chest.

I didn't want him to give up. I wanted to be with him. I wanted to love him. But I can't. I'm going to die and then I'll leave him. Heartbroken and alone.

Of course he would be able to find someone else. Rory was one of the few nice. And nice-looking guys, and I didn't want him to find someone after I died.

I wanted him to be mine. But that's the thing, isn't it? I can't always have what I want.

. . .

I woke up to my cell phone buzzing. I yawned as I hit the green button.

"Hello?" I sounded sleepy, I knew that.

"Lily, darling!" My boss' voice sounded, "Did I wake you?"

"No worries, ma'am." I said, shaking my head. Where was I?

"I want to ask you a favour, dear. Could you pick Leo up from school and bring him home? I'm afraid I won't get the chance to pick him up, we're still packing." She explained quickly, and I had to keep myself from laughing.

This was my boss. She was amazing and also very forgetful.

"Not a problem, ma'am. And Angel?" Angel was her niece that temporarily stayed with her family.

"Oh, gosh, I almost forgot. Would you mind?"

"Not at all. I'll see you later, ma'am," I said, getting out of bed. Might as well seize the day.

"Thank you, darling. See you later." She put the phone down.

I was an overpaid tutor. I got a rather large salary for a 20-year-old, not that I minded. That extra money came in handy when Daniel's kids came to live with us.

"Who was that?" Liz asked. I didn't even know she was awake, but there she was, standing in the doorway with what I hoped was a steaming cup of coffee for me. She was holding two, so I guessed it was a safe bet.

"My boss. Not working today, but dropping them off at home. Wanna come along?" I asked, pulling a brush from my overnight bag. I was intending to stay the weekend.

"Nah, I'll meet you afterwards," She handed me one of the coffees, "Just don't stay too long, 'kay?"

"Okay," I agreed, "Two hours, tops."

"Okay, deal. I'm gonna catch Hank before he goes, then we can go have breakfast. There'll be salad."

"And pepper?" I asked, sticking my tongue out at her. She laughed and left me to myself.

Another summer dress. This one blue with white stripes. Horisontal stripes too. They always say stripes are a bad idea for curvy women, but I disagree. This dress made my curves stand out more.

I had always been bothered by my curves. I thought they were in my way, made me look bad. My stomach wasn't as flat as I wanted it to be, my hips an inch too heavy, my face a bit too round.

I don't really care about it now, though. I liked my body. It was unique.

I threw the dress over my head, grabbed my keys and headed to the kitchen. Liz's house was always full of animals. Cats, dogs (one whose leg I broke once by accident), parrots, even a monkey in a cage. Outside was Leaf, a billy goat, and he was already bleating his good morning song.

"Hello, dear," Liz's mom greeted me, "Did you sleep well?"

"Hi auntie," I answered, supressing a yawn, "I slept okay. You?"

"I slept fine, dear, but I did hear the conversation you had with Rory," She lifted an eyebrow, "Why don't you go for it?"

"I'm not having this conversation, ma'am, I'm sorry," I said. Liz's mom was nice enough to me. I was the only friend of Liz's that she approved of. She didn't even like Hank, Liz's boyfriend.

"She has a point," Liz said as we walked out to my car, "Why don't you go for it?"

"I'm assuming you were listening in?" I said, , and she nodded with a blush, "Then you know why I can't."

"But he loves you..."

"He loves the ideae of me." I said quickly; the blonde rolled her eyes.

"If you want to die alone, so be it."

"I'm not alone, stupid; I have Jesus." I smiled. And she just shook her head, an amused smile on her face.

. . .

I haven't always been what I am now. Goodness only knew how I was... isn't something I'm proud of.

I decided that, when I was 15, nihilism was the best branch of Philosophy for me to follow. Of course I didn't know that it was called 'nihilism', I found that out only recently.

I believed in nothing. I believed that we were nothing, that we served no purpose in the higher scheme of things. I believed we all came from nothing, had no purpose and we were just a waste of time and energy.

Boy, was I wrong.

My parents had raised me as a Christian, and I was expected to act as such. It wasn't until Rory entered my life that I saw myself for what I was: a total idiot.

It wasn't until he took my hands and he prayed for me that I believed again.

It wasn't until my body was on fire, every piece of skin contracted into small bumps that I learned the pleasure of knowing God.

It wasn't until my brother died that Jesus spoke to me.

It wasn't until I found out I had cancer that I realised I had turned into something - someone - else. Someone I had been for a while and quite liked being.

And it wasn't until now that I realised how much I needed this. I needed God to see this through. I needed Jesus in my heart to see him.

And it wasn't until now that someone had challenged me as a person for being a follower of the Way of Christ.

"You were the fucking little goth chick, what the hell happened?" He yelled at me.

"Emphasis on 'were', moron," I shot back at him, "People change."

"No, they don't! YOU don't!" He cried out, and his voice came out deeper than normally. Hmm...

"Only because you're too stubborn to try," I sneered, "Being an idiot is no reply to not wanting to change your life." Let's see if my theory pays off.

"You think you're so smart?"

"Oh, sweetie, my IQ is higher than your max speed on that silly little bike," I said sweetly, and he roared at me.

I stared at him. He actually roared at me. I burst out laughing. My theory looked better and better, but best not to voice it. Not yet, anyways.

"But how can you know that any of this is real? Any of the bullshit you're spitting at me." He hadn't looked me in the eye the whole time we talked.

"I didn't start this topic, stupid," I pointed out, "Here I am, having lunch with an old friend, and he starts attacking me with existentialist questions."

"I did not!"

"You don't even know what the word existentialist means." I snapped at him, and he was taken aback. I frowned - why was he surprised?

It was only a fraction of a minute and he had his cool back.

I took out my phone and typed in a few letters.

_SW - 3. Cafe._

"What are you doing?" He asked, his eyes fixated on my phone, "Looking for God on your phone?"

"I don't need to look for God," I said calmly, "He's already here. And you know that, don't you?"

He blanched, and I smiled. He looked at his fingers and started wringing them.

"Look me in the eye, Mack," I said softly. He glanced up and returned to his wringing hands.

"Can't." He murmured, and I knew my theory was right. Normally I glorified in being right, but not this time.

"And why can't you look an old friend in they eye, Mack?" I asked. Mack and I had dated in high school. Briefly. And we kept in contact. Less so this year than any prior due to a massive falling out we had, but I figured it was time to bury the hatchet.

"Too bright," He said, his voice seemingly ripped from his throat as it rasped dangerously, "The light's too bright."

"Do you like it, Mack?" I asked, "Do you like your dark passenger?"

"No I don't I hate-" He glanced up at me, his eyes wide with desperation, but he seemingly swallowed his tongue.

"You can't do anything," Mack said, his voice deeper again, "We're stronger."

"How many of you are there?" I asked, "Alters, I mean. This is what this is, isn't it?"

"No!" The angry voice yelled, "We are not some sickness thought up by man!"

"Mack, sweetie, I didn't realise you were such a good actor," I said in mock disbelief. This was, in reality, very dangerous, and I had to keep my cool until Rory showed up.

I made eye-contact with the waitress, a girl from YG, and she nodded. She put the check down, even though I had ordered anything, and disappeared into the kitchen, locking it with a soft 'click'. She had cleared the cafe out for us.

"Mack," I said, "Mack, I am talking to you. Do you want it gone?"

"Yes, yes, yes, yes!" He screamed, slamming his hands over his mouth.

"Do I have the authority?" I asked him, and he nodded, his mind and body sharing two masters.

"Hello," Rory said, popping out of nowhere, "Lily, my beloved," He winked at me and I rolled my eyes. Now was not the time. But I was relieved at his presence.

The young priest sat down next to me and looked at Mack. Mack winced when he tried to look into my friend's eyes.

"Good thing the cafe is empty," I said, standing to close the door, "The waitress even gave me a key." I locked the door and pocketed the key. That was what had been in the bill earlier.

"Now, Mack," I said, "Look into my eyes, Mack."

He did, but only for a second before he glanced away.

"I'm speaking to the entity inside you," I said, "Who are you?"

"My name is Mazriel," He said, "And we are a legion."

"Demons," I snorted, "Biggest bunch of liars this planet's ever seen. Now, angel-offspring, I command you-"

"You can't command me!" Mack screeched, "No one can!"

"I command you in the name of Jesus Christ and the blood He spilt, LEAVE this body." I put a hand on Mack's forehead, he tried to wrestle me away but Rory's football skills came in quite handy as he pinned Mack's arms firmly to his side.

I took Mack's hands. I started to pray. I don't know what I said. I don't know how long I prayed. I don't know what happened. But the next thing I was thrown to the wall, I heard something crack and hit the floor face up, Rory was yelling in tongues and Mack was unconscious.

Then it was all over. And I tried to sit up, but my arms were useless. My arms were numb.

Rory saw that Mack had decided to leave the world for a moment and came over to help me.

"Lee?" He extended a hand. I tried to take it, but my muscles refused to answer my brain's call.

"I can't," I said, "Rory, I heard something crack. And I can't move my arms."

He put his one arm under my neck and forced me into a sitting position. I inhaled sharply - my chest hurt. It hurt like hell. And I was about to scream before he laid me down again.

He had his phone in his hand, and Mack was gaining consciousness. Mack spotted me and rushed over. He kept saying "I'm sorry", rocking himself back and forth.

At least he was free.

Jesus had set him free.

Now Jesus set me free from the chains holding me. Jesus, rescue me!

...

**A/N: Please review.**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: My apologies for the delay, I had some personal stuff to work through. But here you are.**

**For kate4ever12 and The Frozen Snowflake.**

**Chapter 7**

**Hazel**

I was awake. I haven't slept as well as I did last night in a really long time. I didn't wake up once from coughing. I didn't dream either. I wished I had dreamt. I'm a pretty lucid dreamer.

Mom came into the room, a frown on her pretty face. When she saw me move she breathed a sigh of relief. As if she was afraid I had died in my sleep. And then a brief flash of guilt clouded her face - as if relief at me dying in my sleep made her feel guilty.

"How did you sleep, sweetheart?" She asked, pressing a hand to my forehead. Concern was etched into every line of her face.

"Really well," I said, "I didn't wake up once." It was a good thing. It was honestly a good thing.

"That's good, isn't it?" She was trying to convince herself more than me. I smiled in confirmation.

"Yeah, I think so," I answered, swinging my legs off the bed.

I took a breath and smiled again. It was a pain-free breath. It was a magnificent feeling. It caused my heart to fill with a small bit of hope.

"You okay? What happened last night?" Mom asked, probably growing concerned at my smile. She worried way too much.

My smile grew even wider, and mom started laughing uncertainly.

"Mom... I... It..." I stuttered, my inability to form sounds into words astounding even me, not that I wasn't normally an annoying chatterbox, "It was..."

"Use your words, honey," Mom said gently, amused, "Words, Hazel."

"It was amazing," I finally managed, "And... Mom, He spoke to me."

The memory of God telling me to trust Him... That He actually spoke to me.

"I'm sure a lot of people did," She said, feeling my forehead again. I guess I forgot to tell her that it was God.

"No, mom, I mean God," I said quickly, "He said that I should trust Him."

Her eyes lingered on me for a moment too long. Oh no, she was going to say I was going crazy, that I should stop going to YG and put it out of my mind.

"And how would you if it was God, honey?" She asked, her tone chosen carefully. I had no idea where she was going with this.

"Because it was in my head, and He said my name." I answered, realising that I sounded like a crazy person with every word I said.

She blinked rapidly, and she wiped a tear away. She laughed and drew me into her arms. She was either about to tell me it was okay or she was weeping that I had slipped into madness.

"Mom?" I chanced. She let go of me and looked at me. She wasn't much of a crier, that was dad's job, but here my mom was, sort of crying.

It was the cry you got when you're really happy, but you don't want to sound like a baby, so you end up laughing like a maniac instead.

Or that was what I thought, anyway. I thought it was a good sign.

"I'm relieved," She admitted, "I was worried about you." I was relieved too - I was terrified she'd tell me to stop going.

"Do you believe in God, mom?" I asked.

"Yes, honey, I do," She said, "And I'm happy for you."

"Do you believe in miracles?" I asked next. Because I was desperately believing for one. Only now I didn't toss my wishes at stars anymore.

"You are my miracle, Hazel," She pressed a kiss to my forehead, "You're amazing."

I smiled at her again, "I love you, mom."

"You too, Hazel," She headed to the door, "What do you want for breakfast?"

"I'm coming down," I said, and when she looked at me as though I was insane (again), I laughed, "I feel fine, mom. Come on."

. . .

I always thought I could identify with her. With Anna. In Van Houten's book. Because we were both dying and both young.

But now I don't. Because now I can live. Because now I want to live. I'm not okay with taking my death lying down.

Okay, that was a bad play on words, but I'm not going down without a fight, at least. I'm gonna face the Grim Reaper with a pair of shiny red boxing gloves.

I closed my eyes as my body, donned in a white dress that made my butt hang out, was pulled in for a PET scan.

We had to see if the tumours had grown or if they were the same or, by some miracle, they started to shrink.

I heard the machine around me; the low buzzing nearly numbing my thoughts. It would be easy for me to fall asleep in the bubble of radiation.

Maybe I'd live. Maybe I'd live longer. Maybe I'd die sooner. But... I was okay with that. Life and death both seemed close, and I guess they always were.

Death always seemed to me like this huge blockade; an eternity of darkness and nothingness. Would I realise I was dead? Would I be capable of thought? Would I see Gus again? And did the Grim Reaper have terrifying flapping wings?

Was it all, this life and everything we did, for nothing?

No. I couldn't believe that. I refused to. Heaven was real. Heaven had to be real. It just had to.

I was hauled out and taken to a private room, where I kept my hand firmly upon my gown near my behind.

Mom and I waited for a (long) while, and a grinning Dr. Marie finally burst into the room.

I guess we got the results, soon too, the perks of having a good hospital taking care of you.

"They're shrinking," Dr. Marie announced, and I sucked in a deep breath, "Your tumours have started to shrink, Hazel, and at an alarming rate!"

"What?" I asked, unable, no unwilling, to believe. Mom had frozen in place.

"The Phalanxifor has caused the tumours to shrink in size," She explained, putting the scan results on a board and putting on the light. It showed my lungs, but the areas I knew to be dark with the tumours, had started to decrease. It didn't cover as much space as it had before.

I took a step closer to the board, my hand rising to touch the image, but not touching it. I didn't know what radioactive shit there was behind this picture and I already had had enough radiation for one lifetime.

"How can this be?" Mom asked, and I felt a smile splitting through my skin.

Maybe I'd live.

. . .

"Isaac!" I screamed, announcing myself as I let myself into his room. He was in front of his gaming system, and he took off his earphones.

"Calm yourself, I'm blind, not deaf!" Isaac replied in the same volume, "But I'm glad to see, uh, hear you too."

I hurried into his room and sat down next to him, taking his hands.

"Woah, this seems serious," He said when he felt my hands, "What's up?"

"My tumours..." I started, and he inhaled sharply.

"Did they start to grow?" He asked, his hands becoming limp in mine.

"No... Isaac... Isaac they shrank..." I said, and his smile grew.

"Are you serious?" He asked, hiding (or trying to) the excitement in his voice. I guess I couldn't blame him.

"Yeah... Dr. Marie said they're shrinking at an alarming rate. Chances are I'd still have to carry around ol' Phil here, but Isaac, the cancer's going! It's gonna be gone!" I couldn't help but smile and shriek, because years of waiting to die, I had some hope to cling to.

His calloused hands felt my hands, then my arms until I realised he was trying to hug me, and I just threw myself against him. I started to cry, and he pulled me tightly against him.

"That's great," He said softly, his arms tightened around me, "I get to keep you."

"I'm not a pet, Isaac," I chastised him, and he laughed.

"I know, but you're my best friend," He pulled away, "And I get to know you a while longer."

I couldn't help but laugh at him. With him.

"Have you told Lily?" He asked, "If anyone deserves to know, it's her. She's been telling us to believe in miracles, and thanks to her I did."

I started, I should call her. I had completely forgotten.

I fumbled with my phone. My hands were still shaking after three hours. Mom and I told dad about the cancer shrinking and I took the car and raced over here.

Lily's phone rang and rang... And rang and rang... Until a woman's voice said that the number I had dialled was unavailable and that I should call back later.

I redialed immediately and got the same result.

"I can't get a hold of her," I frowned, "Do you think something's wrong?" I was worried. Strange since I barely knew her. I'm not much of an empath.

"Yes," He said bluntly, "Call Rory."

"I would, but I don't have his number," I answered, making a mental note to get it, "I'm gonna try again."

I did, and this time I got an answer, to my immense relief.

"H-hello? Li-Lily's phone," A familiar voice answered.

"Rory?" I asked, "Is Lily with you?"

"N-no, sh-she's in surgery," He said, and I could tell he was panicked. My heart jumped into my throat - was she okay?

"What? Why?" I stuck to those words. Could she have gone in for the brain surgery? Then why didn't she tell anyone?

"There was a-an accident, she b-broke a rib," He was clearly worried out of his mind, "Sh-she was th-thrown against a wall, and i-it broke her rib."

"Rory, calm down, where are you?"

"I'm at the h-hospital, I haven't b-been able to f-find her parents, th-they just rushed her into sur-surgery." He was stuttering less and less, which was probably a good thing.

"I'll talk to them, where does she live?"

He gave me her home address. I explained to Isaac what I could, and he insisted on going with me.

I found her house easily: it was huge, white and there was a huge seven on the mailbox, a comically large seven too.

The door opened when we stopped, and a little girl ran out, the spitting image of Lily, with a smile on her face.

She saw me and her shoulders drooped, "Granny, it's not auntie!" She yelled, running back to the door, where a tall woman stood, a frown on her face.

"Mrs Holzer?" I asked, and she raised an eyebrow, "I'm a friend of Lily's..."

"Do you know where she is?" She interrupted me, "She didn't come home last night..."

"She's at the hospital with Rory," I said quickly, "She had an accident..."

She took a step back, her breath hitching, her eyes wide, "What happened?"

"I don't know," I answered honestly, "But he's been looking for you."

Not long after and four people were piled into a car, on their way to the central medical station of this fine town, with Isaac and I following them.

At the hospital, Mrs Holzer introduced herself formally and apologised for jumping onto my case.

"I understand, ma'am, you're worried," I tried to soothe her, "Let's just see if she's okay."

Inside we found Rory. He was staring at a wall, his hands wrought together like iron, his hair on end, probably from running his hands through it a lot.

"Rory," Mrs Holzer sounded relieved at seeing him, "What happened?"

He hesitated, "We were praying, ma'am, and the person didn't take it well." He didn't meet her eyes.

Mrs Holzer sighed, "I understand. Don't fuss too much. What happened to her?"

"She has a broken rib, it caused some internal bleeding," He explained, finally looking up to meet her eyes.

"First time she's been in the hospital for something like this," Her dad said to me, "Never broken anything and was never really sick enough either. Only time she got sick we found she had cancer." He spoke in half sentences, always forgetting the pronouns, or most of the time.

"I'm sorry, sir," I said, not knowing what else to say.

He shrugged before joining his wife.

"I think she's absorbing all our bad luck," Isaac mused, "I'm cancer-free and your tumours are shrinking, and she gets a broken rib. What are the odds?"

I didn't answer, mostly because I didn't know what to say.

I called home and told them I'd be a bit late.

Rory managed to disentangle himself from the Holzers, where two tiny children sat still and kept glancing at their grandparents, and came over to us. He took one good look at me and smile broadly.

"So what's the good news?" He asked, crossing his arms and lifting a bushy eyebrow.

"How do you..." I started, but he cut across me.

"I see it in your eyes. What is it?"

"My tumours are shrinking. Quickly too." I said, though it felt strange to be happy at the hospital.

"That's great news!" He exclaimed, drawing me into his beefy arms, "You should just trust God in everything, He knows what He's doing. He's got this."

"And Lily?" Isaac asked softly, "Has He got her back?"

Rory's smile lessened, but didn't totally evaporate. It was a soft smile.

"Of course He does," Rory answered, "But maybe He needs her more than we do."

"That's actually very nice," Isaac said, "A variation from 'God picked his prettiest rose soonest' - God can grow His own roses if He so desperately wants one."

"She's not dead, guys," I snapped, "Maybe she'll have a miracle."

Rory sighed, "You know what, Hazel? She _is _the miracle."

And I believe that to the man in front of me, she was.

. . .

**A/N: Please review!**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Hey guys. My heart is sort of broken, because chapter 7 got not reviews. Ah well, here's the next one.**

**Chapter 8**

**Lily**

I opened my eyes and closed them immediately. What the actual... Why the hell was I in a hospital?

I tried to sit up, but a screech escaped my mouth. I had a high-pitched scream, I realised, and normally I had a very manly scream.

"Calm down," A kind voice said, pressing a hand to my chest softly, "You've been hurt, you can't sit up just yet." Well that sucks.

I shook my head to clear my thoughts, but it didn't work. I don't know why I thought it would. Shaking your head normally means 'no', not 'what am I thinking again?'.

"Your family is waiting, can I send them in?" The nurse asked. I grunted in response, my throat was exceptionally raw. I must've had a pipe shoved down my throat. I had an operation, it dawned on me, and I felt strangely excited.

I saw my mother first. She looked awful. Her eyes were wide and her hair looked as though she'd spent the better half of the last hour running her hand through it and then taming it again. She needed to stop worrying. I could take care of myself. I was her kid - and she should know that she taught me better. She needed to take care of the kids, anyways.

Then my dad. He seemed to have grown grey hair overnight. Or maybe it was the damn bright light that seemed intent on blinding me.

Then the children came in, and I smiled automatically. Hannah ran into the room and nearly jumped onto the bed before mom stopped her.

"Put her on," I croaked, and mom picked her up. She put her small body on my chest in a hug. It hurt, but I put a hand on her back and patted awkwardly.

"Hey sweetie," I huffed. Her one pigtail tickled my nose.

"Auntie," She smiled, "Why are you here?"

"I had a bit of an accident," I explained, "My chest really hurts." Hannah gasped and got off my chest, but I assured her it was okay.

"How are you feeling?" Mom asked, her brow furrowed.

"Fine," I said, "Just the chest kinda hurts."

"You okay?" Dad asked. He wasn't a man of many words in most circumstances. I just nodded and smiled. He lifted Danny on top of the bed too. The nurse would probably have a fit. Danny made himself comfy under the crook of my arm and stared at the needle in my arm.

I was not okay. It hurt like a bitch and I was gonna fucking slap a demon so hard it's anephilim father wouldn't recognize it. But I refused to let them know how much it hurt.

"Auntie, when are you coming home?" Hannah asked, tilting her head curiously. She looked so much like my brother that it hurt. She had his sense of adventure too, a will to live and to make the most of it. Gosh, I loved these kids. Danny was a naughty little blighter too, just like his daddy.

I promised her I would go home soon before the nurse rushed them out again, claiming I needed some rest. I wasn't tired, but I did agree that I needed some peace. My head was pounding, as if Big Ben had climbed into my skull and decided to bang every freaking second.

I gave them each a tight hug - well as tight as I could manage - and a wet kiss on the forehead. Hannah giggled and wiped my hair from my forehead before returning the kiss. Mom and dad both pressed a kiss to my cheeks before they went.

So - I was demon-slammed into a wall. I should've known better than to take on Spiritual Warfare alone. That was what SW3 meant - Spiritual Warfare code 3, aka demon possession.

I sighed audibly, almost as if hoping someone would ask what was wrong but there was no one to ask, so I had to have that entire discussion with myself. Normally I don't mind, I am very scintillating conversation, but not when my other side comes out.

Ugh.

"Hey..." A new voice said. I had been debating reading my favourite book again, but my bubble was burst when I remembered I gave it to Hazel. Why couldn't I just pick a title and write down in my will that I wanted that person to have that book? Then I wouldn't be left hanging now.

"Hey," I said, "Visiting hours are over, Rory," I felt compelled to point out. I didn't mind the company, though.

"I'm aware," He said, "But the nurse thought my smile was pretty."

"Oh, is that so?" I lifted an eyebrow. My voice still sounded like that ghost-girl from _The Grudge _and if I sang any song right now, JM would run like the hounds of hell was at his heels. That boy has a fear for the theme song of _Insidious._

"I wanna talk to you," He said, dragging the white plastic chair to my bedside and plopping down beside me, "Why did you go out with him?"

"He's an old friend," I said, uncertain if Rory was jealous or concerned, "And I didn't know he had that thing inside him."

"I mean... Why did you go out with your ex?" Ah, so jealousy rears it ugly head.

"Because he's an old friend," I repeated my earlier statement, "And we had some catching up to do."

"He's your ex," Rory pointed out, "You know how Tammy and I are."

"Not my fault her eyes wandered," I said. Tammy was his ex fiancee, and their falling out had been huge, even if no one knew what happened.

"It wasn't just hers..." He mumbled.

"What?"

"I was already kinda in love with you before her," He said softly, "But you wouldn't give me the time of day."

"Don't make me feel bad," I said, "You suck."

He quirked an eyebrow at me.

"It wasn't my intention, lady," He smiled, "I just... Why won't you give us a try?"

"Not this again! My throat hurts, I have a broken rib and I don't have anything to read - I'm moody and about to bitch slap a demon, don't mess with me." I grumbled.

He chuckled, digging into his bag, "I thought you might say that," He drew out a book, "_King of Shadows_ just for the lovely lady."

I grinned - this guy knew me. I would've hugged him if I could.

"Thanks, Rory," I smiled, turning the book over in my hands, "You're a gem, boy."

"I know, I'm at the top of Creation, created higher than an angel, second to One."

"How poetic of you," I said, "Except that last one was a _Newsboys _lyric."

"I never claimed it was mine. Hey, I have good news," He said, and I felt inclined to make some sarcastic comment, but decided not to.

"Yeah?" Was my very eloquent reply.

"Hazel - her tumours are shrinking," He said slowly, looking at me from the corner of his eye, "The trial meds are working."

"That's fantastic!" I shrieked, though it came out a creepy whisper, "She deserves it!" I was happy. Hazel got her miracle, eh? She needed something.

"I'm sorry, sir, the lady must rest," The nurse popped in, "And this is already a favour."

"Yes, yes, I know," Rory sighed, getting up before bending down to kiss my forehead, "I still love you, Lee."

"Yeah yeah," I waved a nonchalant hand, my nose buried deep in the book, "See ya, loverboy."

I saw him shake his head with a smile as he left.

Gosh, I'm crazy about him.

. . .

**A/N: Please review.**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Hey guys. Thanks to Sara and the anon reviewer for reviewing. This is for you guys.**

**Now, here I am, asking for my readers to leave reviews, with suggestions as to what you would like to see in this fic. What do you think of Hazel's miracle?**

**The song used in this chapter is 'Praise You in this storm' by Casting Crowns.**

**Chapter 9**

**Hazel**

I was excited about YG. Don't ask why. Maybe it was the people. Maybe it was the songs. Maybe it was the freedom I felt. Maybe I wanted to share my miracle.

Maybe I wanted to talk to God again.

"Would you stop that?" Isaac screamed at me. My foot was tapping against the clutch, "I don't know what the hell you're tapping, but stop it! I'm going insane here!"

I took my foot off the clutch. Bad habit: I never learned to drive with my foot off the clutch. I opted to tap my foot on the carpeted area.

"Have you heard from Lily?" He asked. I shook my head.

"You know, if you're shaking your head or nodding, I still don't know the answer. I'm blind, in case you haven't noticed."

I snorted, "Is that so? I never noticed, really."

"Seriously, Hazel," He said, a bit annoyed at me, "Has she called?"

"Why are you so obsessed with her?" I demanded, "You always ask about her. Why?"

"Because she's my friend, Hazel," He said softly, "Because she cares for me the way you do."

I started. She was in love with Isaac? I thought she a thing for Rory.

I paused - what did I just say?

Rory's small red car turned into CFC's parking lot and I was saved from my very confusing thoughts.

"Come on, Rory's here," I said, opening the door and getting out. Isaac did the same before he waited for me. He took my arm and we met Rory as he parked.

Rory looked haggard. His hair was wet and drawn into a short and curly ponytail.

"Hey guys," He said once he was out, offering us greeting hugs, "How're you doing?"

"Good," Isaac said, "Been listening to a lot of the music you gave me."

"And?" Rory asked, though I saw a smile forming on his face.

"You were right," Isaac replied, "I experience things better through music."

"What?" It slipped out, "I mean... Yeah, I mean what."

"Rory gave me a CD with some gospel songs," Isaac explained, "He thought I might... pray better with music. And he was right."

"Jesus told me what to do," Rory shrugged, "Bring your ipod and I'll give you some more."

"Already have it," Isaac tapped his pocket, "Afterwards?"

"Yep, sounds fine," Rory said two more cars arrived, "How are you, Hazel?"

"I'm fine," I answered, perhaps a bit too quickly, "You?"

"I'm good, just tired," He laughed nervously, "Come on, let's go in."

The ones in the cars were Liz and JM among others. Liz smiled at us, while JM just said something to Liz and wandered off. He didn't look at any of us. Lily said he made her think of Rocky Horror - and when I looked it up online, he kinda did, he just shorted the muscled stomach.

Liz made her way over as Rory ran after JM. The job of a youth pastor is never done, I guess.

"Hey, how are you?" Liz asked, tossing a strawberry blonde ponytail over her shoulder.

"Fine, you?" I replied.

"I'm fine too - please tell me who you are? You sound pretty. Is she pretty?" He pushed his head in my direction. I blushed.

"Yes, she is." I said, the same time as Liz said her name.

"Ah, Liz, I've heard of you," Isaac said, "Though it was just your name and that you have blonde hair."

"I actually have bright green hair and seven holes in my face," She retorted with a wink at me.

"Of course you have seven holes - your eyes, ears, nose and mouth. As for the hair..."

"Ah, he's a smart one," Liz laughed, "Good choice, Hazel."

I had no idea why she reckoned he was a "good choice", but I shook it off for now.

"Hazel!" JM called, smothering me in a hug, "I heard the good news! The Lord is great, isn't He?"

"Very," I replied, though I didn't know what would happen tonight, "Have you heard anything about Lily?"

"No, just that she got a busted rib," He said, "I went to visit at the hospital, but she was totally out of it."

"We should visit," Isaac pumped me in the ribs, "We haven't seen her yet."

"We're all going," Rory appeared again, "We're gonna worship and then go to the hospital. Then we'll come back, I have something planned."

"Whenever you say you have something planned, I get scared," JM groaned. He looked to be in better spirits than he was before, though.

We filed into the church, though I later found out it had, once, been a nightclub. When the morality was questioned of the choice to transform it into a church, an argument I thought had merit surfaced.

"Where two or more are gathered in My name, there I will be also."

I don't know where it stands in the Bible, but I agreed with it. Two or more people speaking about God should be considered a church. Also - wasn't the church supposed to consist of a people, not a decorated building.

I went to sit in a corner. I don't know why, but it seemed like the safest place.

A slow-ish song started to play. I didn't recognise it, but it sounded good.

_"I was sure by now, that You would have reached down, and wiped our tears away, stepped in and saved the day, but once again, I say amen, and it's still raining..."_

My eyes leaked tears. I wanted someone to wipe my tears away too, to take my hand and lead me into the unknown landscape that was my life.

The music picked up a little.

_"And I will praise You in this storm, and I will lift my hands, for You are who You are, no matter where I am, and every tear I've cried, You hold it in Your hand, You never left my side, and though my heart is torn, I will praise You in this storm..."_

It took guts, I thought, to believe as unfailing as some did, when they felt alone. I imagined a huge hand reaching down and wiping my tears away, gently, and allowing it to roll to the palm, where it joined the puddle that contained every tear I had ever cried.

_"I remember when I stumbled in the wind, You heard my cry, You raised me up again..."_

Hazel recalled the last YG meeting. God spoke to her.

_"My strength is almost gone, how can I carry on, if I can't find you..."_

I knew that feeling. Only I had strength now. And I FELT God. I found Him.

_"I lift my eyes unto the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth..."_

I knew where my help came from. Or I did now. Please God, stay with me. I need You. I... I'm sorry. For everything. Please... Forgive me. Amen.

The music ended with a female voice singing the chorus softly, and then the lights were back.

"See?" Rory's voice echoed around us, "God is always here. He understands, He carries us, He comforts and He punishes. He is a God of love, and we are the high point of His creation."

Several voices yelled 'amen!'.

"Our God is an awesome God, and millions rush to do His bidding with blinding speed. Our God is indescribable, indestructible, invincible! He is King of kings, the Miracle of miracles, the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End, the Artist of artists - He is our God and He demands applause for what He has created. He loves us so much, and He knew we would wander off the path. That's why He sent His son for us. Thank you, Jesus, for Your sacrifice. Please forgive our sins as we forgive those who trespass against us."

"Amen!"

"Jesus, thank you for healing Hazel, for healing Isaac, for opening JM's eyes to the truth..."

"Amen!"

"Amen." Rory finished, and we got back to our seats. Isaac hadn't moved at all. I sat down next to him and tapped his knee to let him know it was me. He reached for my hand and held onto it.

"Now we go see Lily?" Isaac asked nervously. That was the second time he'd used the function of 'seeing' without making a joke about it. He must be worried.

"Now we go see Lily," Rory confirmed, "Hazel and Isaac can ride with me, we try to limit it to two cars. I have space for two more."

Soon we were all bundled into his tiny red car, Phillip and I in the front seat, and set off towards the hospital.

. . .

**A/N: Please review.**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: I'm sorry I've neglected to update, but here it is, a tad fluffy. Thanks to Kate4ever12 and the guest for reviewing.**

**The song for this chapter is "Forever reign" by Newsboys.**

**Chapter 10**

**Lily**

I hated hospitals. Not because they smell weird or because it reminds me of death, those are all cliché reason, I hate hospitals because they made me bored.

I was so bored that I had taken to singing all of the Queen songs I know to my roommate. I liked Queen, obviously, but by the way my older roommate was flinching, I'm taking it she didn't like it. Maybe she was blinking her eyes in tune with the song?

When the entire CFC YG burst into the room, I knew she would blow a gasket.

I was greeted with hugs, odd looks, flowers and, someone with brains must've thought of it, my laptop and music device. They prayed for me to get better (all of them holding hands, standing in a circle), for my bruised ribs to heal, and went on their way again. I put on a smile for them. But I wasn't happy.

Rory was the last to leave, after Hazel and Isaac made absolutely sure I was fine-ish, with a kiss on the forehead.

I watched his broad shoulders disappear from the room - they were going to pray for the other patients too.

I had something think in my hand, and I had no idea how it got there. Looking down I discovered it was a flower. It was a lily. Of course it was, and only Rory would be brave enough to do it.

The flower had no scent that I could pick up, but it was pretty. I was smiling down at it, but the smile didn't quite reach my eyes. I was happy, but I was sad too. Does that make sense?

"Well, I want to hear 'Bohemian Rhapsody' again," The woman next to me said, she was watching me, "Only sing it faster."

I grinned at her, set the lily on the bedside table, cleared my throat and sang, in my best annoying voice.

"Mammmaaa... Just killed a man..."

"Wow, your mom sounds violent." She said off-handedly. I grinned again. She didn't hate me after all, it seemed, because it was clear that she was trying to cheer me up.

"Put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger now he's dead!"

"You're a freaking gun?" She leaned away from me.

"Mamaaa... Life had just begun," That one hit a little close to home, "But now I've gone and thrown it all away..."

My silly voice was gone, I realised, and that last bit had come out softly. Cancer was a bitch. I shook my head, willing the burning sensation behind my eyes to go away

"I've heard enough of your mother, dear," She smiled, and I couldn't help but laugh. Seems like she'd been enjoying the free concert I had given. "You have a lovely voice, sweetie," She went on, "But perhaps you ought to use this talent in a way that doesn't make me cringe."

I frowned for a bit, and then a light bulb went off. Or on, rather.

"Can I still sing?"

"Just don't let it be some horrible song that somehow outlived its time." She answered.

"Queen will always be in time!" I argued.

"Girlie..."

"My name is Lily, not girlie! And that was a horrible rhyme, I realise." This time I cringed.

"Just sing already!" She urged. I grinned again. I chose my favourite song at that moment.

"_You are good, You are good, when there's nothing good in me,_

_You are love, You are love, on display for all to see,_

_You are light, You are light, when the darkness closes in,_

_You are hope, You are hope, You have covered all my sin..._"

I closed my eyes. This song was my favourite, and I usually threw in some vocals just to be dramatic about it. She was watching me, I knew. This time I sang loudly and I used the 'serious' voice.

"_You are peace, You are peace, when my fear is crippling,_

_You are true, You are true, even in my wandering,_

_You are joy, You are joy, You're the reason that I sing,_

_You are life, You are life, in You death has lost its sting..._"

And now the part that always made my entire body stand on end, made me excited and peaceful and feel loved all at the same time.

"_And, oh, I'm running to Your arms! I'm running to Your arms! The riches of Your love, will always be enough! Nothing compares to Your embrace. Light of the world, forever reign!_"

I heard my voice echo around me; it sounded good, and it sounded strange. I wasn't used to someone hearing me sing.

I took a breath, ready to sing the next part of the song, and applause erupted. I nearly fell off the bed as I jumped. My roommate was in tears, and the room suddenly had a lot more people in it than about a minute ago.

Nurses, the people from YG, other patients and their visitors. I saw Rory first, and his face was filled with wonder.

Hazel was also watching me, and her eyes were leaking tears onto her cheeks. She laughed and wiped her tears away.

Boy, why were all these people getting emotional? I laughed nervously and turned away from them. Well, this was interesting.

"They're gone," My roommate said, and I turned back to her. "That was rather spectacular, you know."

"And here I thought you hated me." I teased her. She laughed guiltily.

"I found your singing annoying, but what you just did was..." She was at a loss for words and her arms were gesturing wildly.

"Thank you, ma'am," I said, swinging my feet off the bed, "I know I'm not supposed to do anything, but I'm bored and I need to do something."

My chest hurt, but just a bit. I shuffled into my slippers, took a hold of the thing holding my IV drip and set out. They sometimes allowed the patients to sit outside or take a small walk.

The nurses saw me and started to protest, but then one said: "She isn't even supposed to be able to sit properly, and she's walking. I think we need to get the doctor here."

I just waved a hand at them and went outside. The night air was cool and there was a slight breeze in the area, but it felt good against my skin.

I sat down at a bench nearby. The lights outside the hospital were on and a few other patients were scattered outside with their visitors. My parents couldn't make it tonight, but I did see my mom this morning.

"Lily!" The voice was thick with relief, Rory came to a standstill next to me, "Hey."

"Hey," I replied, "Feel free to sit down, young man, to what do I owe the pleasure of your company?"

He sat down next to me, so we were facing one another. He took a breath and took both of my hands in his. He scooted closer to me, and looked me in the eye.

"I know what you said, Lee, but I can't go on like this. I love you, and I know you don't want us to become more than we are, but you're not dead yet and having cancer doesn't automatically shorten your life. The fact that you're sitting here is a miracle, Lily, because your ribs are shot. Look at Hazel - she is cancer-free! It's a miracle! And, even if you don't believe in it, you are a miracle. You're my miracle..."

I cut him off by pressing my lips against his. He was taken aback, but I saw his eye close and he responded to the kiss.

When I pulled away, the smile on his face was priceless.

. . .

**A/N: Please review!**


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